aflame
The past two days have been a nightmare of pain. Everything hurts, especially my head and this place just beneath my heart where the pain seems somehow more concentrated. I’ve only just become able to string some coherent thoughts together, so I thought I’d better write while I could.
The Cleansing happened in the basement two nights ago. My parents were there, and most of my ‘aunts’ and ‘uncles’ – Aunt T@mmi3, Uncle V, Auntie Nikki, Unkie Louie, Aunt Josie – all sitting a circle. They had me lie down on the concrete in the middle, and then they started chanting. I couldn’t understand what they were saying - I think it was in Greek or Romanian or something – but it was really hypnotic and I started to feel warm and sleepy. They told me to expect that, so I closed my eyes.
This is where it gets all fuzzy. I remember feeling weightless, like I was floating up to the ceiling, and I heard this deep voice call my name.
And then pain.
It was like two explosions – one in my brain and one in that place just beneath my heart, and my veins carried liquid fire all throughout me. And it wouldn’t stop. The pain just kept spreading and building. I screamed, I tried to thrash around but I felt hands holding my shins and elbows down. And the pain kept on burning through me. I remember thinking ‘I am the h0urg1a55, and the flames are going to crack me. All my sand will spill onto the floor and I will be no more.’ Eventually I passed out.
I woke up in my bed around 8 hours later, and it felt like my brain and heart were sore. It hurt to breathe, and I was really achy and nauseous. Aunt T@mmi3 was there, and she asked me if I needed to puke. I said I didn’t, but I was wrong. I got most of it into the bucket. She had me drink a glass of water, and then I had another 5 hours of dreams where I’m on fire and my parents are holding me down so the flames can reach every inch of skin on my body.
Aunt T@mmi3 said the Cleansing went well. When I asked her about the pain, she said that was the trade-off for all the good it was doing inside me. I figure they spiked my dinner with some drug and then just chanted at me until it started doing its thing. But it’s just like my mother to turn all this into religious drama.
I wonder what was really done to me…
I’m still worried about what I did at school to end up with blood on my hands, but my parents say we’re going to find out tomorrow. I’ll write again when I know more.
DanneR
Song Stuck In My Head: “Set Yourself On Fire”, by Stars
The Cleansing happened in the basement two nights ago. My parents were there, and most of my ‘aunts’ and ‘uncles’ – Aunt T@mmi3, Uncle V, Auntie Nikki, Unkie Louie, Aunt Josie – all sitting a circle. They had me lie down on the concrete in the middle, and then they started chanting. I couldn’t understand what they were saying - I think it was in Greek or Romanian or something – but it was really hypnotic and I started to feel warm and sleepy. They told me to expect that, so I closed my eyes.
This is where it gets all fuzzy. I remember feeling weightless, like I was floating up to the ceiling, and I heard this deep voice call my name.
And then pain.
It was like two explosions – one in my brain and one in that place just beneath my heart, and my veins carried liquid fire all throughout me. And it wouldn’t stop. The pain just kept spreading and building. I screamed, I tried to thrash around but I felt hands holding my shins and elbows down. And the pain kept on burning through me. I remember thinking ‘I am the h0urg1a55, and the flames are going to crack me. All my sand will spill onto the floor and I will be no more.’ Eventually I passed out.
I woke up in my bed around 8 hours later, and it felt like my brain and heart were sore. It hurt to breathe, and I was really achy and nauseous. Aunt T@mmi3 was there, and she asked me if I needed to puke. I said I didn’t, but I was wrong. I got most of it into the bucket. She had me drink a glass of water, and then I had another 5 hours of dreams where I’m on fire and my parents are holding me down so the flames can reach every inch of skin on my body.
Aunt T@mmi3 said the Cleansing went well. When I asked her about the pain, she said that was the trade-off for all the good it was doing inside me. I figure they spiked my dinner with some drug and then just chanted at me until it started doing its thing. But it’s just like my mother to turn all this into religious drama.
I wonder what was really done to me…
I’m still worried about what I did at school to end up with blood on my hands, but my parents say we’re going to find out tomorrow. I’ll write again when I know more.
DanneR
Song Stuck In My Head: “Set Yourself On Fire”, by Stars
posted by DanneR at 10:59 PM
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