confused

I’m in a daze. Everything’s out of focus, and people’s voices are flat. It’s like I’m haunting my own body.
Another shock today in Painting. I was sitting there, thinking about that website I found last night, and Adrian nudges me. He says I look really intense, like after he came out of the bathroom when he had that bloody nose. Like I was trying to crack a safe, or hear the termites in the walls.
I say no, I didn’t see you when you came out. I went into the girl’s room.
He says no, you were standing right there, with that same look on your face. He says I told him that I felt queasy but that I wanted to make sure he felt okay. He says I said I’d be back in just a minute, but then he never saw me again.
This does not jive with what Uncle V told me I said under hypnosis.
? What the hell? Adrian has no reason to lie to me about a little detail like that.
So that means Uncle V lied to me about what I said under hypnosis. I know he recorded our conversation, and this evening I asked Mom if I could hear the tape.
She said Uncle V has it, but I really shouldn’t worry about the past. There’s nothing anyone can do to change it, she said. She didn’t change her attitude when I told her that some details aren’t matching. She said Adrian must be mistaken, or I’m remembering wrong. That happens with memories, she says. In any case, I should forget about it and move on.
I didn’t tell her about Clint.
There’s no way I’m going to get that tape. And even if I could track down Uncle V, I bet he would sing the same song that Mom did.
Are they really lying to me? Why would they do that? More so-called ‘protecting’ me from the world?
Or maybe I did something awful and my parents are just trying to cover it up.
I’ve got to find out what really happened during those two days at school. I’ve got to know what I’m capable of. But how?
Maybe I’ll remember something if I return to the scenes. I haven’t been back to that girl’s room on the other side of the school yet. And I haven’t seen that library shelf up close.
I’ll do it tomorrow.