there's nothing to be done
I’m walking on a balance beam. Below me is a fall so great that I can’t see the bottom. And a fierce wind is blowing.
I kept crying at school today, which seemed to distract both the other kids and my teachers. Everybody kept asking me if I wanted to talk about it. I always answered with “There’s nothing to be done.”
I didn’t do anything bizarre or hurt any friends. Though I nearly decked Deni in English. It took me half a second to remember that I’d asked her to pinch me whenever I looked like I was drifting to sleep. I wonder what I would have done if she hadn’t pinched me.
This beam I’m walking down, I’m not sure where it’s going. It might end in a big pot of boiling oil for all I know. I’ve got to keep my eyes on my feet, because I know I don’t want to fall.
Corbett found me waiting outside again. But he wasn’t cutesy. Maybe Mel told him how weird I’ve been acting. He didn’t ask me if I wanted to talk about it. He just sat next to me on the sidewalk and offered me his headphones.
This incredible song was playing. It didn’t have any singing, but it still sounded so wonderfully, stunningly sad…
Before I knew it I was asking Corbett if he’d ever done anything that he’d never thought he was truly capable of doing.
He nodded. Then he lit a cigarette and said,
“Finding out what you’re truly capable of makes every good thing you do that much more meaningful. It makes every moment that you resist temptation a significant victory, because you know exactly what you can do if you ever relent.
“But if you’ve got a decent soul, that bad thing, that mistake you made that led to your self-discovery, it’ll haunt you. And it doesn’t seem to ever go away.”
He didn’t tell me what he’d done, and he didn’t ask what I’d done. He just gave me his cell number and told me I could call him if I ever wanted to talk.
It was just 5 minutes, but it was like the wind stopped blowing and that balance beam became a sidewalk. For a while, anyway. I don’t think I can call him, though. I might accidentally tell him the freakish things I did. And then he’d never want to speak to me again.
That makes me sadder than I’ve ever felt before.
Song Forever Stuck In My Head: Fragments of Memories, Yasunori Mitsuda
I kept crying at school today, which seemed to distract both the other kids and my teachers. Everybody kept asking me if I wanted to talk about it. I always answered with “There’s nothing to be done.”
I didn’t do anything bizarre or hurt any friends. Though I nearly decked Deni in English. It took me half a second to remember that I’d asked her to pinch me whenever I looked like I was drifting to sleep. I wonder what I would have done if she hadn’t pinched me.
This beam I’m walking down, I’m not sure where it’s going. It might end in a big pot of boiling oil for all I know. I’ve got to keep my eyes on my feet, because I know I don’t want to fall.
Corbett found me waiting outside again. But he wasn’t cutesy. Maybe Mel told him how weird I’ve been acting. He didn’t ask me if I wanted to talk about it. He just sat next to me on the sidewalk and offered me his headphones.
This incredible song was playing. It didn’t have any singing, but it still sounded so wonderfully, stunningly sad…
Before I knew it I was asking Corbett if he’d ever done anything that he’d never thought he was truly capable of doing.
He nodded. Then he lit a cigarette and said,
“Finding out what you’re truly capable of makes every good thing you do that much more meaningful. It makes every moment that you resist temptation a significant victory, because you know exactly what you can do if you ever relent.
“But if you’ve got a decent soul, that bad thing, that mistake you made that led to your self-discovery, it’ll haunt you. And it doesn’t seem to ever go away.”
He didn’t tell me what he’d done, and he didn’t ask what I’d done. He just gave me his cell number and told me I could call him if I ever wanted to talk.
It was just 5 minutes, but it was like the wind stopped blowing and that balance beam became a sidewalk. For a while, anyway. I don’t think I can call him, though. I might accidentally tell him the freakish things I did. And then he’d never want to speak to me again.
That makes me sadder than I’ve ever felt before.
Song Forever Stuck In My Head: Fragments of Memories, Yasunori Mitsuda
posted by DanneR at 7:44 PM
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